Over Ike's Sandwiches at lunch today, my coworkers and I got into a discussion about love and marriage and relationships. Only one person from our office is married. The rest of us are a mix of single, dating, or in relationships, and I always enjoy hearing their takes on some of my favorite topics.
We talked about the essence of planning in a relationship. And if you can actually or to what extent you can plan when in love. Our one married coworker, Kevin, got married at 19 and his wife was 17 years old! We posed many questions about their love story; they've been married for 10 years now, and he said he just knew when he met her that she was the one (awwwww). The other percentage of my coworkers that are in relationships are well into their late 20s; and they voiced their concern as to how one can know if they've truly found the
best person for them.
Mr. Married told us about this cool TED talk that compared mathematics and love (there's also a book!) So we all hovered around my laptop and closely watched the
Mathematics of Love.
The narrator, Hannah Fry, was a very intelligent mathematician with a dry and quirky sense of humor and an enticing British accent. She compiled the research data from many psychologists, other mathematicians, and online dating sites to give 3 helpful tips on the giant of Love. She says, "mathematics is so powerful that it has the potential to offer us a new way of looking at almost anything...Even something as mysterious as love." They offer an intriguing 37% theory on finding your person at the "right" time; it basically states that after dating 37% of your dating pool, you should go and latch onto the best person you can find.
She even presents a formula that could predict the success of a long term relationship with a 90% accuracy. The ideology that I was most impressed by was from this tidbit:
"Now I always thought that good marriages were about compromise and understanding and allowing the person to have the space to be themselves. So I would have thought that perhaps the most successful relationships were ones where there was a really high negativity threshold, where couples let things go and only brought things up if they were a big deal. But actually, the mathematics and subsequent findings by the team have shown the exact opposite is true. The best couples, or the most successful couples, are the ones with a really low negativity threshold. These are the couples that don't let anything go unnoticed and allow each other some room to complain. These are the couples that are continually trying to repair their own relationship, that have a much more positive outlook on their marriage. Couples that don't let things go and couples that don't let trivial things end up being a really big deal."
Who would've thought complaining to your boyfriend would be the thing that saves your relationship! (lol maybe that's not exactly what she meant..)
All in all, it was very fascinating to see how mathematics can make simplicities out of the irrational and intricate ideas around us. Fry closed with another quote I really liked saying, "I hope this gives you a little bit of insight into the power of mathematics; Because for me, equations and symbols aren't just a thing. They're a voice that speaks out about the incredible richness of nature and the startling simplicity in the patterns that twist and turn and warp and evolve all around us."
Fun lunch break, I know. I thanked Mr.Married for showing us the video, and asked him if he had read the book. Being the office clown, he replied, "No, it was too late for me, but now you can save yourself." Hahaha.
I slipped out of the office a little early in order to avoid traffic while heading into the city. My plans for the night: Giants vs Rockies game! Tickets for one!! I arrived to AT&T Park 15 minutes before the game was about to start and nearly robbed a bank on the way in order to afford parking. I inspected my seat location before placing my belongings down, and wandered for a bit to examine my Stadium food options. Back in Los Angeles, baseball games were always hot melting Frozen Pink Lemonade occasions, but with this stadium being on the Bay, we were approaching a below 50 degrees evening. I had three layers and an orange scarf on (to depict my loyal fanship to the Giants). I went with a Clam Chowder in a bread bowl as my indulgence snack,
so SF.
I had forgotten a little about how baseball worked since it had been quite a while since I'd been to a game. But it proved to be a very simple sport, and I picked up on it quickly. It was a slow game, but we were steadily kicking their asses. Someone behind me compared the Colorado Rockies to a Little League team, ouch.
I will admit that I liked the idea of going to a baseball game alone a little more than I did implementing the evening. Going to a game alone isn't like going to the movies alone. At the movies, you're placed in a dark room with a very clear motive: just watch the movie. At the game, I was surrounded by groups of friends and couples and couldn't help my wandering eye. I kept worrying that the people around me thought the empty seat next to me meant that I had been stood up (lol). I enjoyed the game for a good 6 innings and then called it a night.
On the drive home, I had a lovely phone call with Mr. Parker. He's been back home in Michigan for the Holiday week for a few days now and I'm starting to miss my adventure partner a whole lot! My new epiphanies on love had me open to having some small hard conversations for the hopeful sake of showing your person you love them more than their little problems. I think I could talk to Mr. Parker on the phone all day long. What a quality guy. I hung up with a warm heart jumping at the idea of seeing him soon.
It's nice to know that when you really take a look, some giant things prove to be quite simple.
