No Thank Yous

Someone noted to me the other day that they feel that I am sometimes unappreciative of what others do for me. Or that when it comes to what I ask of others, I ask more than what I am willing to offer. I think the more difficult end of this conversation was the fact that I completely don't think that I am this way. I have found myself slightly haunted by the fact that this could be a very bad character trait of mine and I had no idea. I am also frustrated with the idea that maybe this is incorrect and I just very poorly stood up for myself. I am feeling distraught over the thought that I had this idea of myself, and in a conversation, my hopes as to who I thought I was were depleted.

Then, I couldn't help but wonder what is the standard of gratefulness that we all hold each other to? Is there a universal amount of thank yous we should all say, or certain mundane things that don't need to be thanked for? Or after something has been done enough times, do you not need to say thank you anymore? Is saying thank you even a sufficient showing of gratitude? Or in what form do others expect to be thanked in?

Yet even more I wondered how often do we hold others to the standard we hold ourselves to? How often do we expect that others have the same standards that we do?
Perhaps I don't offer enough gratitude because I don't expect that much. Maybe I don't do enough sacrificial things to even know what I expect.

Sometimes I think that I enjoy doing things for people a little more when they don't remember to thank me because it's just a small reminder that I'm doing it because I care for them rather than for their thank you.
Do we sometimes just want to be reminded that we are appreciated because we are worried that the other person didn't care enough to notice?

I realized that I may be only a single type of person out of many who doesn't really keep tabs of thank yous or deeds done. I think this both harms and helps me, but can potentially be harming those around me more than it is helping me.

I see that I am overly grateful to waiters and busboys at restaurants because I assume that most people probably treat them like shit.
I realized that I don't feel grateful for what someone is doing when I feel that they don't deserve to be thanked. This is probably not a good thing because I should be grateful regardless if the person is a jerk or not.

I know I sound insanely dramatic, but it's just been taking over my train of thought, and I am choosing to be honest in these posts. I think when it comes to the standard of thank yous or no thank yous, the level and format of gratefulness depends on who you are interacting with. Maybe just like how we give love the way we feel love; we also thank in the way we feel thanked. But I have yet to fully figure this out.

I need to get better at taking criticisms from others. I also need to get better at not doubting who I am when I am criticized. Perhaps this is all so disturbing because I'm finally allowing someone to see every aspect of who I am and that makes me nervous.

I am struggling with allowing my posts to not end on a happy note.